Nightmare on Xmas

Xmas holidays always make me queasy. Xmas used to be a looking forward to family event. Since half of my family passed away, it’s the day I’m reminded of their loss the most. So no matter where I am or who with, I’m emotional. Ok. Even more emotional than most days.

New years eve is even worse. Every year it’s a struggle where to go, and even when it’s totally clear where I’d be, expectations are high. If I try to have none whatsoever, things go even worse. So what strategy should I try this year? Maybe I just sleep through.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

by Max Ehrmann, 1920s

Kiehls

Another famous cosmetics brand is available in Zurich at Rennweg: Kiehls!!!

It’s a rather expensive brand, but when the magazines make their Best 10 products lists, usually one of the products is by Kiehls. I had a moisturizer, a tonic, and that famous lip gloss once, but back then my skin didn’t do very well no matter what you put onto it. So maybe – when my financial status increases – I might give it another shot…

Flashbacks

I’m back in Zurich for four months, of which I’m living alone for 2 1/2.

Currently I’m getting flashbacks from a year ago while I still was in Winterhtur. I never miss Winterthur (except maybe my favourite handbag shop), so I’m hoping my getting-over-the-breakup-process is progressing. Luckily I stopped thinking about what he’s doing with his life right now, and concentrate on myself again.

I’m kicking back into the being alone thing, and mostly notice how much more energy I have than during the relationship. I hope I can manage a few things a lot better in my next relationship. For starters I won’t move in with the guy until things have settled a bit. Moving together when you have complete opposite ideas what a home should be like is definitely not a good idea. A friend of mine just moved together with her boyfriend, and I felt a bit relieved to hear that she’s struggling with the exact same things as I did. But it looks like they handle it better now. Whatever.

I guess if I manage to get over the x-mas holidays without getting another depression, I should be fine. Let’s see.