My voice doesn’t echo off these walls

What 24 hours!

Once in a while I get these crises, where I get the feeling no matter how old I get, I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Such a crisis hit me yesterday, and even with the help of meditation I wasn’t able to get a serious handful of sleep. So this morning I wake up with the feeling of having been hit by a bus. The weather also reminded me of autumn and a lurking feeling started to crawl up my intestines: is summer already over?

Sitting on the bus I get informed that there’s a huge construction site, and the bus won’t continue until the final station. Oh Boy! You use that bus once for weeks, and you’re having trouble. As it turns out I had to wander almost all throughout Seefeld to catch a good ol’ cable car. At least I got a nice strong Latte Macchiato on the way.

In the office I’m reminded that I’m supposed to finish a tricky piece of code by tomorrow. Of course it continues to be tricky. Even the simplest things turn out to be a pain in the a**. By lunch I feel like I want to hit something (I asked for a sandbag several times).

Later I get an email from Orange, that I’m not entitled to a new phone and so they recommend me to wait for the end of my contract to get an iPhone. The end of my contract is in November 09. Of course they don’t mention the price of the iPhone without a contract. Let me guess… 500.-???

So all afternoon I continue to struggle with my code, and finally put all my might together to inform my project manager that I don’t think I’ll be finished by tomorrow. We decide to postpone him yelling at me to some other time, but instead talk about our private crises, and end up metaphorically clapping each others back: better be complicated, emotional, and critical than have no principles at all. Haha!

By now the sun came out again, and my weekly painting lesson with my teacher I lovingly call Bon Jovi calmed me down. I even managed to draw a sort of reasonable sketch of a hand.

Looking back the day wasn’t bad at all. In fact if I turn my perspective a little bit I actually should congratulate me to some success. I do learn. There is progress. Maybe not exactly in the direction I want to, but I’m getting there.

As for the supporters of today: thank you from the bottom of my heart.

And the musical background: NIN and Echoplex …
My voice just echoes off these walls …

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.